Author: redheadedlaw

‘Should I Divorce?’ 10 Ways To Tell If Your Marriage Is Over

Written by redheadedlaw on May 30, 2012. Posted in Divorce. No Comments on ‘Should I Divorce?’ 10 Ways To Tell If Your Marriage Is Over

By Drs. Evelyn and Paul Moschetta for YourTango.com

Despite divorce being so common, many couples are caught off guard when it actually happens to them. They believe that if they just begin to love one another again, everything will turn out fine. This myth, however, lulls them into missing the warning signs that suggest that their marriage in trouble.

Here are 10 ways to tell if your marriage is over:

Sex is consistently boring and mechanical. A satisfying sex life is vital to health and well being. A long-term frustration of this basic human need can signal the end of a marriage.
There are many problems and only a few solutions. The inability to compromise and find workable solutions to common relationship issues turns partners into bitter adversaries.
Character assassination happens in your marriage. Name-calling, insults, belittling put-downs, and personal attacks aimed at embarrassing and hurting a spouse are a sure path to divorce.
You’re angry all the time. Accumulated anger kills love! If you and your spouse don’t know how to handle anger and it piles up like a mountain in your relationship, divorce is inevitable.
One of you cheats. With a lot of professional help, most marriages can survive when a partner cheats once. Repeated affairs cause so much pain that divorce is usually a relief.
There is selfishness within your marriage. Marriage is a give and take relationship and it’s about making your partner’s needs a top priority. Self-centered husbands or wives have partners who feel ignored and neglected will eventually want out at all costs.
One or both of you always needs to be right. When your partner’s always right and you’re always wrong, it feels suffocating. When you do not have a voice that’s heard and respected, marriage turns into a dictatorship. Divorce provides you that irresistible freedom that you do not receive from your spouse.
It’s not in the kiss anymore. When you would rather have sex than passionately kiss, your marriage is in deep trouble.
The conversations are over. The best way to have a happy marriage is to talk your way through it. This means sharing thoughts and feelings so that you’re emotionally in sync. Without this bond, marriage is an empty and lonely place that partners want to leave.
There is too little or too much money. When both partners need to work and one earns significantly more than the other, especially if it’s the wife, control issues can sabotage the marriage. However too much extra cash, when partners are not careful, can fuel a party on lifestyle that invites temptations that cause damage to a marriage, as well as the lasting values that remind us of what’s really important in life.

11 Things A Good Divorce Attorneys Need To Know

11 Things All Good Divorce Lawyers Need To Know

Written by redheadedlaw on May 28, 2012. Posted in Divorce. No Comments on 11 Things All Good Divorce Lawyers Need To Know

Original article by Henry Gornbein

Judges often look down upon divorce; I’ve seen one judge refer to family court as the kiddie court. Why? Because divorces are messy, complicated and emotional. People often become totally irrational during a divorce. It is therefore up to the lawyers to make sense of the process. Here are 11 things all good divorce attorneys should know:

1. A divorce attorney must know the law regarding divorce, child custody and all other aspects of family law where he or she practices.

2. The attorney should not only know the laws related to this area, but should also have an understanding of basic tax laws, especially as they impact upon property division and alimony.

3. A good divorce attorney should know real estate and understand issues involving real estate both with regard to commercial and residential property, as well as issues regarding mortgages and other encumbrances. This is especially true with so many houses having a negative equity.

4. A good divorce attorney should have some knowledge of issues with regard to corporations, especially closely-held, family-owned or small corporations, which are often evaluated and become a key component of many divorces.

5. An understanding of businesses including partnerships, professional practices, such as medical, dental, CPA, and law practices, can be important in many cases as well.

6. Having a good knowledge of discovery can be important. It is important to be able to represent your client fully. Having a complete picture of the assets and liabilities is critical because if something is missing, your client will be short-changed.

7. It is important for a good divorce attorney to know the judges, the legal system, and the workings of the court where your case is occurring. Every court has its own way of doing things.

8. Another issue to be mindful of is domestic abuse and domestic violence. Too frequently this comes into play in many divorces. These issues should never be ignored.

9. It is important to have some understanding of psychology and human relationships because in family law, there is a huge psychological overlay that makes this area of the law so difficult. No one gets married thinking about divorce and sadly, too many marriages end in divorce. Thus, a client coming in is unhappy in the first place at the beginning of the divorce, especially if it is something that he or she does not want. At the end of the divorce, the client is often more unhappy because he or she will be receiving half or less of the assets. People often end up with huge liabilities, and this is especially true in these tough economic times where so much real estate is down. The client will often still owe attorney fees. This is not a happy time, and a good divorce attorney recognizes this.

10. It is important to have a knowledge of child custody and the law regarding custody, parenting time, and any other aspects impacting the child or children.

11. A good divorce attorney understands all of these factors and should be a good negotiator as well as a good listener.

Family law covers so many issues that are exacerbated by the tremendous amount of emotion, anger, resentment, and unhappiness that clients have. Many clients refuse to deal with these emotional issues as they go through a divorce. This is why practicing family law can be very difficult, to say the least. It can also be very rewarding because a good family law attorney knows that he or she is helping someone through some of the most difficult times in his or her life.

Avoiding marriage’s No. 1 pitfall: money troubles

Written by redheadedlaw on May 21, 2012. Posted in Marriage. No Comments on Avoiding marriage’s No. 1 pitfall: money troubles

By ALEX VEIGA, AP Business Writer

Newlyweds and couples moving toward marriage, take note. Love, as it turns out, is not all you need.

Not if your goal is to avoid the No. 1 reason marriages end in divorce: Money problems.

Everyone knows, or should know, this. But love – and a reluctance to take a hard look at our own financial habits – often keep us from seeing, much less confronting, potential financial troubles in a relationship.

Failing to do so, however, can lead to serious post-wedding day troubles.

“Mature, responsible conversations about money are a sign of a marriage that’s going to be healthy and wonderful and enduring,” says Brooke Salvini, a certified financial planner based in San Louis Obispo, Calif. “If you can’t talk about money when you are dating, that is a red flag right there.”

To get the conversation rolling, here are seven steps experts recommend to steer clear of potential marital money troubles:

1 Disclose financial records

Before corporations merge, they go through a period when both sides get a close look at each other’s financial records. Take the same approach before you get hitched.

Swap statements for your bank accounts, credit cards, student loans, retirement accounts and so on. Also share credit reports and FICO scores.

“Not only can you start to put together a balance sheet of what the two of you own and what your debts are, you can start to discuss ‘do we want to combine our checking account?’ ” Salvini says.

2 Discuss financial goals

A huge part of getting in sync with your spouse begins with discussing major life goals and the necessary financial commitments.

Discuss short-term goals, such as paying off credit card debt, and then craft a budget that sets you clearly on a path toward your goals.

3 Budget your spending

Failing to create and stick to a mutually agreed-upon budget can lead to marital strife.

It doesn’t have to be complicated, though. Start off by listing monthly income. Be sure to add in interest earned on money-market accounts and dividends from any investments. Then add up expenses, everything from car payments and rent, to groceries, gym memberships and utilities.

If you’re making more than you spend each month, you can begin planning how to set aside money for long-term financial goals. If not, it’s time to consider ways to cut back.

4 Treat “your” money as “our” money

Many newlyweds continue to see the money each earns as his or her own, as if they were merely roommates. They keep separate bank accounts and pitch in – perhaps equally, perhaps not – to paying bills.

But that can lead to problems, especially if one spouse earns a lot more than the other, says Anthony Chambers, a clinical psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University.

If both spouses work, he suggests they arrange for their paychecks to be deposited directly into a joint account that’s used to pay all shared expenses. If they feel they need to have some of their own play money in a separate account, that’s fine. But Chambers says the funds should come from the joint account so both spouses know where the money is going.

5 Keep credit cards separate

It’s not necessary to make your spouse a joint account holder on your credit cards, especially if he or she has a poor credit history, which can drag down your credit rating. Instead, make your spouse an authorized user of your cards. This will avoid any potential impact to your credit rating. As a safeguard, authorized users are also able to check account balances and track spending on the card.

6 Don’t split costs 50-50

In marriage as in most other scenarios, money is power. Although splitting household costs down the middle may work early on in a relationship, it can breed resentment in a marriage when one spouse makes a lot more money than the other. It also can foster a sense that the person who pays more should have more say in financial matters.

“Very few things in marriage are exactly 50-50,” says Chambers. “And that can really start to bring up all of these other issues of fairness.”

Still, even if costs aren’t split down the middle, it’s important that each spouse has an equal say in making money decisions.

7 Talk about spending

Even after you’ve reviewed all the financial paperwork, sometimes it’s even more important to find out how your spending habits match up.

Often those habits are developed early and are entrenched. One person might have grown up in a family that counted every penny. Another might part far more easily with money because shopping became a hobby.

Beyond how much someone likes to spend there are potential conflicts over what we see as a must-have.

Even small differences can become wedge issues later on.

“The central task of marriage is the management of differences,” says Chambers. “So you want to be able to know early on what those differences are.”

How Social Media Can Undermine Your Divorce

Written by redheadedlaw on May 2, 2012. Posted in Divorce, Social Media. No Comments on How Social Media Can Undermine Your Divorce

From cadivorce.com posted on April 25, 2012 by salexander. Original Article

The digital lifestyle can have negative consequences and one of which is this: You can sabotage your own divorce case if you aren’t careful about posting on social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter and even the up-and-coming iPhone app, Instagram.

In fact, the AmericanAcademyof Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) recently released a study that showed more than 80 percent of divorce attorneys have used social media posts (also known as “social networking”) as evidence in divorce court cases in the past six years.

Yes, divorce lawyers all over the country are, more and more, sharing Facebook posts, Twitter tweets and Instagram pics and captions in the courtroom. These “snapshots” into the life of your soon-to-be ex spouse have exposed extramarital affairs and outright lies that can affect everything from spousal support (alimony) to the time your allowed to spend with your children.

In Dishon & Block’s new infographic titled, How Family Law Attorneys Use Social Media Evidence in Court Cases, the above statistics plus some real court cases outline this not-so-surprising trend in divorce. Here are a couple of examples from the infographic:

Belly Dancing Out of Alimony

“McGurk claimed that an accident disabled her during the marriage and that she needed $850 a month alimony from her ex as support. Evidence pulled from Facebook and MySpace showed that four years after the accident, she was an avid belly dancer. The judge accepted this as proof and subsequently denied the woman lifetime support.”

Make It Facebook Official

“In the Stephen and Courtney Gallion case, a widely reported case, the husband had seen some things on their shared computer that made him suspect incriminating evidence would be found in the wife’s social media accounts. The judge ordered the divorcing couple to hand over the passwords to their Facebook and online dating accounts to the opposing counsel.”

See? Social media networking can undermine your divorce (or prove your point!). So, what can you do about it today?

What Can I Do About Social Media and My Divorce?

One thing lawyers say is crucial to the divorce process is patience and restraint. Sure, it may be very tempting to gush on Facebook about your new crush, but it can also be used as evidence if you must disprove adultery in your divorce case.

What about tweets, Instagram pics and even “check ins” on your smart phone? They can pinpoint your movements that can build a case to your very own guilt! And that’s not good in any court action.

Most divorce lawyers caution their clients to be rather anonymous during this time. This isn’t just flippant advice. Remember, you may feel like you are flying (as in partying) after you’ve decided to separate from your spouse, but do you really want to capture all the flying-too-high moments too?

Social media evidence can jeopardize not only your court case, but also affect your child custody rights and future ability to co-parent with your ex spouse. Here are some more tips:

Don’t brag. Think twice about “bragging” to your ex via any social networking post. Party pics can get you in trouble in more ways than just one.

Block your ex. Block your ex spouse from all your social media sites and consider blocking or limiting availability to certain family, friends and colleagues who are sympathetic to your ex spouse.

Change your passwords and protect your digital equipment. It is possible your ex spouse has or had access to your laptop or smart phone and can hijack passwords and even install spyware software. First, take the time to change all your important passwords. If you suspect spyware or are just curious, you can take your laptop or smart phone to a spyware detection specialist.

Stop checking in and geotagging. Don’t let everyone know your whereabouts during this sensitive time in your life. It’s time to chill out on any location services software such as “check ins” on your iPhone or with Instagram’s newfangled “geotagging” capabilities.

It may not be fun, but be wary before, during and after divorce about how your ex spouse, friends and family members (and a judge!) may feel about all of your social networking posts.

For more information on social media and divorce, see Texts, Spyware, Social Media and Divorce.

Dealing with credit card debt after divorce

Written by redheadedlaw on April 19, 2012. Posted in Debt, Divorce. No Comments on Dealing with credit card debt after divorce

Ex-wife stuck with credit card debt
By Ronald Lipman
Published 10:44 p.m., Friday, February 17, 2012
Original Article

Q: My friend got divorced four years ago. There was an interim order by the court for her ex-husband to service their credit card debt, but during their 15-month separation, he never did. By the time of their divorce, the late fees and interest on the card had made the debt unmanageable. It now stands at $45,000. That debt appears on checks of her financial background and probably is the reason she has only been offered straight commission jobs. Can she sue her ex-husband now for the $45,000 and for her pain and suffering caused by the bad debt? Their divorce decree did not address this.

A: No, she can’t sue her former husband for the $45,000, nor can she sue him for her pain and suffering. Under the law, she cannot sue him to enforce any of the interim orders.

She can only sue him to enforce the divorce decree, and since the decree was silent on the debt issue, there would be no basis for her claim.

The above article appeared in Ronald Lipman’s legal column in the Houston Chronicle. It reminded me of how important credit card and other debts can be in a divorce and how little it is understood, even by many attorneys. As a family law attorney who routinely does divorces, I very often see people with large credit card debts, especially during the recent recession. Here is a recap of what I tell my clients:

There are two difference forces at work when it comes to debt in a divorce. One is the judge who grants the divorce; the other is the creditor who is owed. Each of them can do different things.
The judge can determine which party has to pay community debt (debt accrued during the marriage, no matter whether it is in the name of the husband or the wife). The judge tries to make a fair division of all the property, the assets as well as the liabilities. Debts are a part of this division. The Texas Family Code, our set of laws for divorces, says that the judge must make a “just and right” division. This means the judge can, if he or she decides, order wife to pay debt that stands in the husband’s name and vice versa.
The creditor who is owed money can only look to the person who signed up for the debt in the first place, no matter what the judge decides in #2 above and even if the debt is a “community” debt.
The Texas Constitution prohibits a person being imprisoned for debt. If the person ordered to pay a debt in a divorce decree does not pay, the legal remedies are scant, to say the least, and costly for sure.
If your spouse is ordered to pay debt standing in your name and does not pay, your credit will be adversely affected and there is nothing you can do about it.

What does this all mean to you if you are getting a divorce? If you owe debt standing in your name, DO NOT assume that because the judge ordered your spouse to pay it that it (1) will be paid or (2) you will have an effective legal recourse if it is not paid. Make a deal that includes having assets liquidated to pay off the community debt or in which you take more of the community assets in return for taking community debt standing in your name. And, most importantly, hire a good family law attorney that will pay attention to this very important part of your divorce.

21 Signs Your Husband Is Hiding Marital Assets During Divorce

21 Signs Your Husband May Be Hiding Marital Assets During Your Divorce

Written by redheadedlaw on March 22, 2012. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on 21 Signs Your Husband May Be Hiding Marital Assets During Your Divorce

From Forbes.com via Jeff Landers

Red flags seem obvious, once you know what to look for. You may have good reason to be suspicious if your husband:

Maintains complete control of bank account information and online passwords.
Is secretive about financial affairs.
Owns a P.O. box or private mail drop box, which receives account statements and bills.
Has meaningful unreimbursed business account expenses.
Deletes one or more personal financial programs, Quicken or Quickbooks.
Says the computer containing important financial records has mysteriously “crashed.” Then, he removes the hard drive for a data retrieval attempt, and it’s never to be seen again.
Acts pushy when obtaining signatures on important documents, like tax returns and deeds. “I need to get this to our accountant today,” he insists.
Proposes an execution of mutual durable power of attorneys for “estate planning” purposes.
Enjoys out-of-town business junkets with his befriended, slippery financial advisor.
Develops SIDS (Sudden Income Deficit Syndrome). “My business is failing” suddenly crops up.
Suffers an income decrease without a corresponding reduction of expenses.
Binges on unusual purchases of flashy items, such as a car and jewelry.
Reports a dramatic decrease in value of marital and/or business investments.
Owns multiple cell phones or numbers over a relatively short period of time.
Makes frequent trips to countries with relaxed banking laws.
Exhibits childish greed and claims of entitlement.
Makes unusual purchases of toys or art that could be sold later.
Starts drawing on large amounts of debt.
Is involved in drug abuse.
Gambles more frequently than usual and is placing money “on account” with casinos.
Opens multiple business or personal bank accounts without obvious reasons for having that many.

A husband who hides assets usually has very specific, predictable objectives. In general terms, his goals are to:

Hide, understate, or undervalue certain assets,
Overstate debts,
Report lower than actual revenue, and/or
Report higher than actual expenses.

Most tactics are predictable, too. Here are a few of the most predictable strategies Miles has seen, along with the advantages and disadvantages for each:

Hoarding unrecorded cash. Advantage: Removing cash (currency) lacks a paper trail, and offshore bank accounts are relatively easy (from a legal standpoint) to open. Disadvantage: Laundering over $100,000 in currency can be time consuming and will likely require travel. Depending on the circumstances, this tactic could involve the very serious criminal acts of money laundering, violation of cash transfer reporting requirements, federal income tax fraud and perjury.
Secreting already recorded cash receipts. Advantage: This can be completed as part of a complex accounting scheme, which may be too complicated or expensive to discover. Disadvantage: Once cash is recorded, its absence or transfer is discoverable.
Understating revenue. Advantage: The business owner has lots of options from which to choose. Some are simple and easy. Deferring revenue by manipulating the timing of revenue or accounts receivable may not constitute tax fraud. Disadvantage: Depending on the business owner’s sophistication, this can require a fairly predictable co-conspirator. If the co-conspirator is placed under oath, the scheme could result in perjury charges for the husband.

The Red Headed Lawyer Fights for You

Written by redheadedlaw on February 16, 2012. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on The Red Headed Lawyer Fights for You

It is a sad fact of life that sometimes a marriage is just not sustainable. Perhaps each party gives it the best shot possible, but something can still go wrong. Neither party needs to feel shame, but rather simply needs to begin moving forward towards a brighter future.

When divorce becomes inevitable and an individual finds himself or herself in need of a divorce attorney in Spring, TX, there is no better counsel to have than the Red Headed Lawyer, Marivonne Essex. With a reputation of integrity and affordability, she will go to bat in the legal system to help make sure that the rights of her client are guarded and protected every step of the way.

You will enjoy a level of communication that most attorneys do not afford their clients. Phone calls and emails you send to her will receive a response within 24 hours. For Marivonne, communication is a key element in the success of her handling your case as your divorce attorney in Spring, TX.

Unfortunately, some individuals are afraid to make initial contact with a divorce attorney because they are afraid they will not be able to afford the legal services. In reality, the cost of NOT consulting with an attorney can be much, much higher in the long run. You need to speak with someone who can steer you in the right direction so that your assets and your future earnings are not compromised in a divorce action. Marivonne Essex prides herself on providing the highest quality of representation for her clients at an extremely reasonable cost.

When children are involved in a divorce, other dynamics come into play. No parent wants to wake up one day to discover that his or her failure to seek counsel from an attorney has resulted in losing the ability to share in rearing the children. Rather than blindly trusting the other spouse to make all decisions with regard to the children, it is highly recommended that both parents have legal counsel in a divorce. The Red Headed Lawyer will invest the time, energy and professional skill necessary to help ensure that each of her clients receives everything they deserve when walking through one of life’s most difficult periods.

Time is Money

Written by redheadedlaw on February 7, 2012. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on Time is Money

Dealing Successfully with a Divorce Attorney

Star Telegram, April 16, 2006

Dealing with divorce and divorce lawyers is not much different than taking a trip without first plotting out the route. If you go to a matrimonial lawyer without specific objectives or goals in mind, and think he or she can fix it for you, you’ll be disappointed. Given a specific set of facts, lawyers are trained to apply the law and advise clients about ways to attain specific goals – or at least some of them.

Here are some basic guidelines:

Gather as much of your financial and other information as possible before you go to see your lawyer. This includes tax returns and schedules, financial statements, budget documents and the like from at least the last five years.
Make sure your fee arrangement is in writing, that you understand it before you sign, and that everyone understands how you will pay your bill. Generally, lawyers are not allowed to take a percentage of what is recovered for you in a divorce case, so expect to pay by the hour.
Since you won’t always need to talk to your lawyer wnen you have questions, meet and get to know the paralegal or secretary so you can give and get information billed at lower rates.
Write out your questions, then make an appointment with the lawyer and take notes about what you’re told.
If there are billing questions, talk to the billing clerk or the secretary who handles this aspect of the business. The lawyer should be the last resort.
Photocopies made at the lawyer’s office may cost you 25 or more cents per page, sometimes plus the time of the person making the copies. So for numerous copies, consider making your own at copy shops to save money.
If you don’t understand something, ask. And if you have a problem with the way your lawyer is handling your case, also ask. Don’t allow the issue to fester.
Your lawyer should keep you reasonably informed about the status of your case by sending you copies of what goes out of the office. Then you’ll be less likely to make emergency calls. Remember: Spur-of-the-moment calls just to find out what’s going on can get expensive.
Don’t second-guess your lawyer based on the advice of friends and family. But if you feel strongly about a point, seek a second opinion. Let your lawyer know you feel this way.
Remember that your lawyer works for you. After you have been fully informed and have reviewed your options, you and your lawyer should decide upon a course of action suitable to your situation.
Don’t be surprised if your case takes time to get resolved. Although everyone is in a hurry to complete his/her case, you will have no control over scheduling issues that can keep your case in limbo for a long time.
If your lawyer promises or guarantees you a result, get another lawyer.

— Jan Collins, a writer and editor, and Jan Warner, matrimonial tax and elder-law attorney.

Help my daughter and son fight leukemia

Written by redheadedlaw on February 2, 2012. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on Help my daughter and son fight leukemia

It’s a great day to fight leukemia, and I’m helping my daughter Shannon and my son Sean do it. They’re committed to raising $3,500 each before their April run for this cause in Nashville. Most of you know I have never in the past sent out messages requesting a donation for any charity, but the hearts of my children, Shannon and Sean, are in this great cause, and I am supporting them as well as the charity.

Click here to view their donation page

Even small amounts will help fight this deadly disease that devastates so many families. Any size donation will be appreciated.

Boosting Mom’s Social Security Payments

Written by redheadedlaw on January 26, 2012. Posted in Uncategorized. No Comments on Boosting Mom’s Social Security Payments

Yahoo finance has a good article on how your mom could be receiving more social security payments than she is currently receiving. If this is the case, or if you are unsure about your mother’s current social security payments in general, give the Essex Law Firm a call at 281-350-4104.