Author: redheadedlaw

Rebuilding Your Social Life After Divorce

Rebuilding Your Social Life After a Divorce

Written by redheadedlaw on May 29, 2013. Posted in Divorce, Marriage, Social Life.

Divorce is the end of a relationship but it is not the end of the world. After a divorce, it is important to reach out and reintegrate yourself into the social world so that you improve your self-esteem and connect with people whose support and friendship will help to restore your sense of wholeness again.

Divorce is often a time in life when you reassess your life and the things that you have done. It is a time to start new hobbies, sports, activities, volunteering, and maybe even a new job. Think about the things that you like doing and would like to do. When doing something that you really enjoy, you will meet others of a similar mind and some of these people will become your friends.

You could also join a divorce support group. You will be pleasantly surprised to see how some of your experiences relate to those of other people. You can develop a sense of solidarity by listening to others express their emotions and experiences. Being surrounded by people who share your experiences will help you shake off the feeling of being alone. Discussing these issues in a pressure-free environment can help you to rebuild your social life through a sense of shared strength, and an increased sense of self-worth.

Avoid the temptation to feel sorry for yourself. What you have gone through is emotionally stressful, and it is natural and healthy to grieve. While grieving is important to go through, it can’t last forever. Sitting at home feeling down all the time will not improve your life and won’t result in a rebuilt social life. It is important to recognize your own self-worth no matter what you have gone through. Be confident, rebuild your life in small steps, and understand that the most effective rebuilding occurs when you reach out to others.

How to Make Divorce Easier On Your Children

Written by redheadedlaw on May 22, 2013. Posted in Attorney, Child Custody, Divorce, Lawyer, Marriage.

Sometimes in the aftermath of a divorce, spouses can get so caught up in their own quarrel that they don’t realize what chaotic situation they are putting their children in. After all, hearing both parents constantly degrade one another is sure to impact the child’s views on both parents. For children, they can sometimes get the feeling that they have just went through their own divorce; they feel like they are slowly losing one of their parents.

You have built a family centered on a consistent two-parent system, and changing something that your children have grown used to will be undoubtedly stressful on them. While some stress may be unavoidable, a great deal of it can be avoided. There are things you can do or refrain from doing, to limit the amount of stress and negative effects your children have to endure.

You should avoid confiding in your children about adult concerns and disagreements with your spouse. If you have a dispute with your ex-spouse, don’t expose your children to your conflicts and frustration. Doing so could lead to your child having negative thoughts about their other parent, and could make them feel like they have to pick sides. You should also avoid interrogating your child about the other parent or what goes on at the other parent’s house. It’s normal to ask general questions about your child’s time there, but you shouldn’t pry. Encourage your children to call the other parent when they have news or just want to talk. Keep the other parent informed about school events and other activities. Do as much as you can to show your children that their other parent will be a major part of their life moving forward.

Don’t introduce major changes into your child’s life if you can help it. Try to keep to your usual family routines and community ties. Consistency and structure makes people in general comfortable, this is especially true with children. If you can keep their life as close to status quo as possible, they won’t feel like their world is being flipped upside down. Continue to parent as you always have. You may feel guilty that your children have to cope with divorce, but you should resist the urge to be more lenient on them. They’ll feel more secure if you’re firm and consistent.

If you and your ex struggle to interact without hostility, it’s a good idea to consult a therapist. A family therapist or professional mediator can help you develop a more friendly communication style. Since you have years of co-parenting ahead of you, learning to get along with your ex may be the greatest gift you can give your child. If your child sees that his or her parents are able to interact in a cordial way, it will allow him to feel like everything is okay. It’s also a good idea to get help for a child that is having trouble coping with divorce. A young child may show regressive behavior like excessive clinginess or throwing temper tantrums, while an older child may become angry, withdrawn, or depressed. A therapist can provide a safe place for your child to express his or her feelings, which will go a long way in terms of coping.

Financial Security During a Separation

Written by redheadedlaw on May 15, 2013. Posted in Attorney, Divorce, Houston, Lawyer, Marriage.

If you have separated from your spouse and are considering a divorce, you are more than likely in the middle of an emotional storm. You may be unsure whether or not you really want a divorce. During a time like this, it is important that you take the necessary steps in order to protect yourself financially just in case your separation continues longer than expected or ends in a divorce.

In many marriages across the country, spouses have joint bank accounts. When separated, the first step you could take to ensure financial security is to open up an account that only you have access to. This will prevent your spouse from blindsiding you by removing the money from your joint account and cancelling credit cards that you were counting on being able to use to support yourself during the separation. It’s a good idea to take initiative and open up a new account, transfer money into it, and apply for credit cards well before you think it is necessary. This is important because if a time comes when you need backup funds, you’ll be prepared.

Unfortunately, many people are caught off guard financially when they discover that their spouse has liquidated, moved or cancelled their access to money or credit without prior notice. By planning ahead, you will have the financial means to pay for legal advice, and to support yourself while you wait on the terms of your separation to be sorted out. Whether your separation ends in reconciliation or divorce, you will be financially secure while you wait for things to get figured out.

Another step to take in the direction of financial responsibility is to make copies of all financial related paperwork, including several years of tax returns. You should also include paycheck stubs, bank and credit card statements, investment and retirement records, all loans and titles for cars and homes, and any records related to debts. You should keep the copies of these important financial documents in a secure place away from the home you share with your spouse so that he or she does not have access to them. It may also be beneficial to get a copy of your credit report to make sure there are no surprise debts. It’s wise to have a detailed list of personal property along with estimated values and photos or videos of these items.

Consulting with a divorce attorney is another step that should be taken in an attempt to prepare for all possible outcomes. It is important to remember that consulting with a divorce attorney does not mean you have to file for divorce, and it is common to put off going to see a divorce attorney when you’re still not sure you want a divorce. However, it’s a smart move to meet with one before you find yourself in need of hiring one. By meeting with a divorce attorney ahead of time, you’ll have a clearer understanding of the next step to take if you do ultimately decide to get a divorce. By doing this, you are not conceding that your separation will eventually result in a divorce; you are simply preparing for all possible outcomes.

The Divorce Process

Written by redheadedlaw on May 8, 2013. Posted in Attorney, Divorce, Lawyer. No Comments on The Divorce Process

After making the difficult decision to get a divorce, the next question that typically comes to mind is, “how do I actually file for divorce?” Getting divorced usually involves the Final Settlement Agreement and the Divorce Decree. Usually, couples will complete the settlement agreement and then attach it to their application for a divorce decree. It is important to understand the purpose of each of these.

The final settlement agreement should include all the decisions that have been made in regards to property, child and spousal support. In order to file for a divorce, an application for a divorce decree needs to be filed. This application, which includes your settlement agreement, is turned in to the courts. If all the paper work is in order, you will be mailed a document similar to a marriage certificate. This document will be the divorce decree, and it means you are officially divorced.

This process sounds straightforward, and for the most part it is. However, things aren’t always black and white. While most cases are simple, emotions can get in the way of that simplicity. It is important to remain focused on the decisions that need to be made with as little emotion as possible. Most couples will need help with regards to property, child and spousal support (spousal is often the one that causes the most conflict), and there are different ways to resolve these issues.

Both parties can hire independent divorce lawyers and go down the traditional route, including applications, demand notices, affidavits, discoveries, and court appearances. Another option is to use a mediator. The challenge here is finding a mediator that has knowledge of both the laws and financial issues. It is important to know that no mediator, whether they have a background in law or not, can advise you on the law or your rights. For that, you need to speak with a divorce lawyer who works only for you to get what is called “independent legal advice”. Whether you receive this legal advice throughout the mediation process or towards the end does not really matter. A divorce lawyer who is representing you alone will give you peace of mind with regards to your settlement decisions and also ensure that the decisions that you have made are what are best for your long-term future.

Best Interest of the Child

Written by redheadedlaw on May 3, 2013. Posted in Child Custody, Divorce. No Comments on Best Interest of the Child

No matter how much you and the other parent try to resolve disputes in a mature fashion, it is a good possibility that the two of you aren’t going to completely agree on everything. It is imperative that these disagreements are handled in a productive fashion. Ideally, these matters can be resolved without the direct involvement of the courts. However, if forced to become involved, judges make decisions based on the best interests of the child. Generally, the best interests of the child include items like the physical and emotional safety of the child, as well as the child’s stability, security, and overall well-being. Courts generally determine that it’s in a child’s best interest to have a consistent, supportive relationship with each parent. This usually means that, if possible, both parents will have relatively equivalent parenting time and will share the decision-making responsibilities with the child. This will theoretically place the parents on equal footing. The fact that you may disagree with the parenting style of the other parent does not mean that you can force them to adapt to your preferences. It is important to recognize that each parent will generally have equal legal parenting rights. Although this sounds reasonable, problems, disagreements, and questions often arise. Who gets to determine what, and under what circumstances? What does “equal” decision-making actually mean? While court orders or parenting plans attempt to address all possible problems, it is impossible to anticipate every possible scenario that might arise. So how do these disputes get resolved? Hopefully, the two parents maintain a relationship that is functional enough to allow them to maturely discuss these issues and resolve them. Most court orders require that the parents attend mediation prior to either parent filing an action concerning a parenting time or decision-making dispute with the court. Afterwards, the parents can file an action with the court to address these matters. However, keep in mind that filing an action may lead to an outcome that isn’t ideal for one or both of the parents. Remember, parents working together tend to make the best decisions for their children.

When Divorce Is The Only Option

Written by redheadedlaw on April 24, 2013. Posted in Divorce. No Comments on When Divorce Is The Only Option

Sometimes relationships cannot be salvaged. There are problems that cannot be resolved with therapy and an effort at better communication. Some people are incompatible at their core. Some relationships are violent and contaminated by drugs or alcohol, and some relationships have such a serious lack of trust that they cannot be restored. In these situations, divorce is often times the best option. Although divorce is difficult for children in any situation, it is worse to stay in a marriage that is destructive to your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Deciding to get a divorce is one of the most difficult decisions a person can make. If you have to make a difficult choice you should not beat yourself up over it. You are not a failure or a bad parent for choosing to end a destructive marriage. If you make the decision with thoughtfulness and an eye toward the larger implications, you should be considered brave. It is one of the most difficult situations you will ever face. It may seem as though your world is coming to an end, but you can survive and create a new and better life. The most important thing you need is faith in yourself. Divorce is an internal emotional battle as well as a conflict between two people. Some married partners manage to make the break amicably. When it is done this way you can present it to your children in a united way and there will be less stress in the way you work out the details of your ultimate separation. However, in reality, most divorces aren’t so friendly. Emotions will flare and blame and accusation will become the order of the day. Once the decision to separate has been made, human nature requires some kind of emotional distancing. This is why former lovers often become the bitterest of enemies. When you decide to end a marriage you may begin to second guess yourself. You may need some psychological help because divorce is one of the most stressful situations you will ever experience. You have to get used to the reality that someone you loved is no longer even a friend. Most importantly, you should take solace in the fact that you are doing it for the right reasons.

How Divorce Affects Taxes

Written by redheadedlaw on April 17, 2013. Posted in Attorney, Divorce, IRS, Taxes. No Comments on How Divorce Affects Taxes

Taxes have a major impact on nearly every aspect of life, including divorce. However, some couples become so angry at one another, they lose sight of a common enemy, the International Revenue Service. For those who are considering, or are already in the process of getting a divorce, it is important to know what your tax filing status is determined by as it pertains to marriage and divorce. If your divorce was final anytime before December 31st, you must file as single or head of household for that year. If your divorce proceedings and paperwork aren’t complete by December 31st, then as far as the IRS is concerned, you are still married. In this case, you and your spouse can file your tax returns as married filing jointly. Under this filing status, you report all of your income together. This allows you to claim all the deductions, exemptions, or credits to which either or both of you are entitled. When deciding whether to file jointly, consider not only the resulting tax liability, but also the ramifications of being jointly liable for the taxes, penalties, and interest of your spouse. Because your divorce is still pending, you must consider the overall tax implications. Hiring a good family law attorney can be very beneficial with this process. With the use of a diligent divorce attorney and tax accountant you may be able to minimize your total tax liability and avoid being blindsided by tax penalties. Ignoring the tax consequences of a divorce could turn a seemingly fair settlement into one that is financially disastrous. The settlement agreement should be worded and calculated correctly, with the ultimate goal being to reduce the taxes paid by both spouses, leaving them both financially secure. With the right divorce attorney, this can all be accomplished. A good family law attorney will put the needs of the client first. He or she will take a step back and look at the total picture, and will understand that fighting blindly for the client isn’t what’s always what’s best for the client in the long run. A good family law attorney will understand that clients can sometimes let their emotions cloud their judgment, so they will help them make the best decisions for their client’s long term future. Choose the family law attorneys with the qualities you can trust. Lawyers play big roles in our lives, and the lawyer you choose to handle your divorce will obviously affect the course of your life as well as the lives of your family members. Taxes are inherently complicated, and can become outright confusing and stressful when marital status is changing. The right lawyer, who is well versed and able to guide you or refer you to tax experts as needed, can help the transition from being married to being divorced go as smoothly as possible.

Let’s Hire a Professional Divorce Attorney

Written by redheadedlaw on March 29, 2013. Posted in Attorney, Divorce, Harris County, Houston. No Comments on Let’s Hire a Professional Divorce Attorney

Recently, one of my colleague’s friends saw first-hand what it was like to try and get a divorce, without representation. She said at the courthouse there were many people who didn’t have representation, and almost all of their court dates were getting reset. They were getting reset because something wasn’t right in their paperwork, or in their divorce proceedings. One of the ladies there said her court date had been reset three times already. Luckily, my colleague’s friend had representation, and it was smooth sailing for her. This is first-hand witness of how and why it is important to hire a Spring TX divorce lawyer, because unless you have all the time in the world to the learn the system, drive downtown multiple times, and drag out the process, you may end up spending more time and money in stress than it’s worth, when you could of simply hired a professional divorce attorney.

Facebook used to charge father with failure to pay child support

Written by redheadedlaw on March 26, 2013. Posted in Child Support, Facebook. No Comments on Facebook used to charge father with failure to pay child support

Original Article by Alexa Valiente for ABCNews.com

Once again, Facebook was used to garner evidence against someone committing a crime. This time, it was a father who was three years behind in paying child support, which amounted to $5,400. Police were able to get a warrant to look at his page, which was initially set to private.

“With the pictures as evidence that Robinson had funds to pay for child support, an arrest warrant was issued for Robinson. If Robinson is eventually found guilty for failure to pay child support as well as other charges, he could face up to eleven years in prison.”

Alienation

Written by redheadedlaw on March 20, 2013. Posted in Child Custody. No Comments on Alienation

“Alienation” is becoming a frequent topic for family law attorneys. If you are not familiar with the term (as applied to family law), the best way to describe it is brainwashing. One parent “alienates” the child from the other parent by repeatedly and deliberately telling the child “bad” things about the absent parent. Telling the child “bad” things about the other parent, more often than not, in the opinion of the parent making the statements to the child, is “telling the child the truth.” The brainwashing parent will try to convince you that the child “should be told the truth.” Most psychologists will tell you that the psychological makeup of a child consists of the unspoken understanding that he or she is the product of both parents and thus hearing bad things about the other parent is internalized as bad things about the child himself or herself, whether the statements are true or not. Divorce parenting classes almost always emphasize that a parent should not make derogative statements about the other parent for that reason. It works long-term to eat away at the self-esteem of the child. It’s like your grandmother always told you, “If you can’t say anything good about someone, don’t say anything at all.”

Despite the understanding of most good parents and most professionals of its harm to children, alienation is one of the complaints I hear most often from parents. Unfortunately, it is always one of the hardest things to document and to get in front of a court, making it most frustrating because it is so hard to put a stop to. Hearsay testimony or testimony from children, and virtually any testimony from a child, except in child abuse cases, is not allowed.

We are starting to see cases in which at last the topic of alienation is seriously and carefully addressed, in spite of legal roadblocks thrown up. The latest and most visible case is a New York case in which the court reversed custody from mom to dad based on alienation. “This is the case that made national news last year when there was camera coverage of the tearful, almost hysterical, transfer of custody away from the mother, with whom the 5-year-old twins had lived the entirety of their life.” (Quote from Family Law Section of the State Bar of Texas recently.) The New York case has since been overturned because the appellate court believed the trial court leaned too heavily on expert testimony from various mental health professionals in making its decision.

Despite the fact that the New York case was overturned on appeal, it is important to note that the issue of alienation is becoming a topic, which is coming to the courts and that the courts take seriously. In my opinion, it is not soon enough. The damage which alienation does to children is a to-date hidden threat, one that causes many children serious emotional damage.